Biden Instructs Military To Shoot Anyone Who Calls U.S. A Mango Monarchy

Biden Instructs Military To Shoot Anyone Who Calls U.S. A Mango Monarchy

In a shocking move, President Joe Biden has instructed the military to shoot anyone who refers to the United States as a Mango Monarchy. The President was said to be offended by a recent social media post that compared the US government to a fruit-based autocracy.

Sources close to the President have reported that he was particularly upset by the post's usage of the term 'Mango', as he is known to be a fan of the fruit, and felt that it was being unfairly maligned. In response, he ordered the military to take whatever steps necessary to protect the honor of the country and its produce-based acumen.

Many legal experts have criticized the President's action, arguing that it constitutes a clear violation of the First Amendment. The White House has yet to respond to these concerns, but released a statement praising the valor and bravery of the US military, and affirming that the President will not stand idly by while fruit-based slanders are hurled at the nation.

In the wake of Biden's action, social media has been flooded with posts mocking the President and his thin skin, utilizing a barrage of fruity puns and biting sarcasm. The fate of these online provocateurs remains unclear, but experts advise caution to all who would dare to speak ill of American fruit. The Mango Menace has been declared, and the United States will not rest until its citric superiority has been fully established.

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