Bank of England introduces carbon tax for breathing

LONDON - In a shocking move, the Bank of England has announced a new tax on breathing. According to sources, the carbon tax is meant to combat air pollution and climate change by putting a price tag on this essential human function. 'We understand that this may seem like a harsh measure,' said a spokesperson for the bank, 'but drastic times call for drastic measures.'

The tax will be levied based on the amount of CO2 exhaled by an individual, with higher rates for those with larger lung capacity. The spokesperson went on to explain that the revenue generated from the tax would be used to fund green energy initiatives and research into carbon capture technology.

Critics of the policy have slammed it as an attack on basic human rights and a burden on the working class. 'This is insane,' said a member of the opposition party, 'people should not be penalized for something that is necessary for their survival.'

As the uproar over the policy continues, it remains to be seen how effective the tax will actually be in reducing carbon emissions. In the meantime, citizens are urged to conserve their breath and use it sparingly.